


Lucid Truth

by ferric



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Divergent, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:04:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ferric/pseuds/ferric
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi prided himself in his excellent control over himself. Ever since his blunder prior to joining the Survey Corp, he had never turned into a titan once. Ever since Eren's life was given to him, however, Levi learned that his control might not be as impeccable as he thought. AU where Levi is also a titan-shifter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lucid Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Canon-divergent from the Female Titan arc. This is a sequel to [Flare.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/915700)
> 
> I've changed a lot of canon material for this verse in Flare, particularly Levi's background. I will continue to change more canon materials as this fic continues.
> 
> I've been wanting to write something like this for a while, but I finally found the courage to get to it. I hope that you guys will enjoy it! :>

By the time it was two in the morning, Levi and Erwin called it quit. They went through every detail of the plan even though both of them had a good long term memory, and Levi read through the layout of the formation about three more times before Erwin unfolded his hands from under his chin and leaned back in his chair. “Let’s stop here.”

Levi promptly stood to roll the paper back together. It was large enough that the brown curling edges of the map touched the edges of the table. There were no notes, no specific directions, not even the path that they would take was drawn out even though it was for the rest of the troops. All information was passed by mouth; Erwin expected all of his staffs and officers to memorize the details without any written evidence. Levi knew it was Erwin’s well-placed paranoia, and it was reassuring not to see the whole plan because he was free to improvise in case of emergency.

Levi was about to go on his way when Erwin stopped him. “Levi, do you remember what I said about masked criminals?”

Levi paused only for a fraction of a second as he tied the black string around the scroll. When Erwin spoke like this, it was one of three things: a lesson, an order, or an admonition. 

Levi was in the mood for none of the above, but Erwin was going to say it anyway regardless of how much Levi would try to stop him. “Remind me,” he said, in a tone that implied he didn’t want to be reminded at all.

"Do you know why they wear those masks?" Erwin asked. Shadows fell on Erwin’s face where the pale orange light of the oil lamp couldn’t reach.

"Fashion statement," Levi deadpanned. He thought about the Military Police’s round up of a masked gang from the upper middle class neighborhood of Sina and wondered if Erwin was vaguely alluding to them. "That and women’s stockings. They’re both in season."

"I didn’t know you follow fashion." Erwin eyed Levi’s cravat. A light smirk that was hidden by the shadows stretched across his face.

"I don’t," Levi said, and left it at that. He didn’t bother explaining himself lest the conversation off tracked from what Erwin wanted to say. Levi wanted to get this over as quickly as possible. "Why do they wear those masks?"

"When I was a little boy, I was friend with someone who recently got into the Military Police." Erwin’s gaze was unflinching, and his tone made Levi felt that the so-called friend wasn’t really a friend at all. Erwin had acquaintances, not friends. "When he was in civilian clothes, he was a nice boy, very quiet, very obedient to his parents. He was a doormat."

Erwin’s definition of a doormat was drastically different from the norm, given the kind of things Erwin was willing to do, so Levi took his word with much consideration. When Levi didn’t comment, Erwin continued.  “But let him put on his Military Police uniform, and he became an entirely different person. He was one of the men who took my father away.”

Levi carefully placed the scroll back on the table and waited for Erwin to continue. Erwin eyed the scroll before he continued. “In civilian clothes, he apologized to me, but put him back into that uniform again, and my father and I were nothing to him. He landed kicks to my face without guilt.”

Levi automatically looked at the crossing wings on Erwin’s breast pocket and wondered if Erwin was going to get to the point anytime soon.

"People find it easier to be a monster when they’re not wearing their own face. It’s then easier to lie, cheat, hurt—” Levi watched as Erwin walked around the desk.

Levi straightened his shoulders as Erwin stopped right in front of him. He narrowed his eyes when he had to look up at Erwin.

“And kill,” Erwin finished, “because the mask is a shield.”

Levi didn’t even blink.

“Do you know why it’s a shield?”

“Are you going to get to the point anytime soon?”

“How do you think it’s a shield, Levi?”

“Why don’t you tell me?”

Erwin did not reply.

Levi sighed. “Because everyone else won’t know who did the crime.”

“That’s part of it,” Erwin nodded in approval. “The real purpose of the mask though, is that it shields the criminal from the guilt of what he had done.”

Levi swallowed. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Why do you think?”

“You usually don’t ask for my opinion.”

“Now I am,” Erwin rested a hand against the table. He leaned slightly on it, in a faux casual manner, although the tightening of his jaws gave him away. “Why do you think that is?”

Levi had no clue what Erwin was insinuating, but there was only one person that Levi could think of at the moment. “If you’re implying that Eren would try something during the mission—”

 _'You’re implying that Eren wants to be a monster_ ,’ Levi wanted to accuse. He said it himself that Eren was a monster because of his unwavering will, but that didn’t mean Eren wanted to make those choices had the circumstances were different.

“I know he will,” Erwin interrupted smoothly.

“Eren isn’t using his titan form as an excuse to harm anyone,” Levi said with conviction that surprised himself. “He doesn’t want to hurt anyone.” And then it felt as if he was speaking for more than just Eren, as if he was talking about himself too.

Erwin studied Levi’s face, and Levi didn’t blink lest Erwin thought any different about Eren because of Levi’s wavering mind.

“That’s good,” said Erwin. “But Eren is not the only person I’m worried about.”

Levi clenched his jaws. Something cold trickled down his back as Erwin’s story truly sunk in. Erwin had hoped that under Levi, Eren would be molded to something the Survey Corp could use, but if Levi showed any hesitation in his loyalty, if he lost control to his titan self, Eren would inevitable fall would him.

“You won’t find any problems from me, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“I’m just concerned that while you keep watch over Eren, you’ve gotten some less than desirable ideas about your shifting abilities.”

“Well you can shove your concern—” Levi thought, but then said instead. “I will keep it under control.”

Erwin scrutinized Levi’s face for a while before turning away and retreating behind his desk. “I’m glad.”

“I see that you’ve let Nile’s words shit on your trust in me,” Levi said bitterly.

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “We both knew the terms of this arrangement,” he said, voice cold even though it might appear gentle on the surface. Levi was being reprimanded, he knew. “If you’ve forgotten?”

As if Levi would forget the vow he had made, as if he would forget giving up his name just so he could finally redeem himself and move on. As if he would forget the blood of his family spilled on the ground because of him, of many others that followed them.

But things had changed. Levi wondered if it was because of Eren, but his past was returning to him. He had recovered his lost name, buried under a metal chest of guilt and memories and self-suppression. Erwin was the last barrier, he knew. He couldn’t afford to lose himself when he had gotten so far.

“You should rest,” Erwin said as he pulled out some paperwork from his drawer. He smoothed them over his desk. “Good night, Levi.”

"Do you find it easier?" Levi asked, wondering for the first time if the story of Erwin’s friend was referring to more than just Eren and Levi. "When you wear that uniform?" The memories of Erwin’s sins—their sins— flashed between them without words.

Erwin looked at him.

"Yes."

_Of course._

Levi nodded and saw himself out.

He hid his anger as best as he could, but he couldn’t help but slammed his fist against the stone of the hallway.

Eren couldn’t control his titan self. It wasn’t a choice. He didn’t choose to be a titan. No one could make that choice. Eren didn’t choose to be a monster.

Levi caught a thin scar that ran on his arm, peeking from the collar of his shirt, and his anger cooled.

No, Levi didn’t know that and couldn’t make those kinds of judgments. But Eren had looked into his eyes and told him tearfully that he didn’t want to hurt anyone, Eren had trusted Levi the key that hold his life, Eren had wanted Levi by his side, and Levi couldn’t imagine that same Eren as a masked monster like Erwin was insinuating.  

 _'Eren isn’t like that,'_  Levi told himself even though he could see the trail of blood leaking from Eren’s boots stretching out further and further, red foot prints on the map of humanity.

He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t like that either.

 

 


End file.
